Properly Awry

Ah, the stupidity of political correctness and sensors.
This week’s Entertainment Weekly reports that the MPAA rejected the original poster (left) for the docudrama The Road to Guantanamo due to its depiction of “apparent torture”, but the poster on the right has been deemed acceptable. I guess it’s because the left poster gives the impression of torture, but the one on the right leaves room for the imagination - because we all know that a movie about Guantanamo detainees would certainly have a poster of a person handcuffed voluntarily, perhaps even in the throes of passion.

Desperation, the latest adaptation of Stephen King’s work, aired earlier this week. I had high hopes, my husband did not. King had previously hailed this tele-movie as the best adaptation of his work to date. This proved to be very untrue. Maybe scene-wise and character-wise the adaptation was good and true to the original text, but King needs to learn that network television cannot capture the essence of his work. Network television, what with its commercials, limited budget, bad special effects, bad child actors, nameless directors, and sensors cannot compete with a true theatre movie, or even with HBO. The creepiness just does not come across in the right way, there is no tension, or if some has slowly built up it is then interrupted by a commercial break for iTunes and maxi-pads. I would prefer to leave it all in my imagination than have half-assed adaptations fail and give King and his work a bad name.
For some good movies try:
Stand By Me, The Green Mile, Dolores Claiborne (though not at all true to the novel), The Shining (original, though again not true to the book), Apt Pupil.

Went to a matinee today, filled with squeaking children, stoners, dorks, and for some reason a very large over-40 couple (I suppose in this case my husband and I fall into the dork category).  Firstly, children should have their own soundproof area in every theatre so the rest of the audience is not disturbed by them, please urge your local government to enforce this as law.  As for the movie, it was good, but not as good as the previous two.  I have a particular love for Wolverine and liked his story-line, however, though Halle Berry babbled about the fact that Storm would grow and we would see and hear more from her in this movie, it wasn’t really true.  She had more lines and a bit more action and better hair, but the character did not grow.  My hope is that this is not the last we’ll see of the X-Men as a group (we already know there are a few upcoming spin-offs i.e.: Wolverine), as this third installment doesn’t meet the requirements to close the book on the series.   

Dear Eddie Vedder,
c/o Pearl Jam Tour

I am just dropping a note to point out that somehow your current Tour has missed scheduling any dates for Vancouver. In fact most Canadian cities have been missed. I assume this must be a temporary oversight by your schedulers. I know you were kind enough to give us our very own Canadian tour last year and I have a lovely red PJ Canada hoodie to prove it. Each time you play Vancouver you let us know that we are one of the best crowds to play for. With the arrival of your new album your Vancouver fans eagerly await your Tour.
Yes, I know a truly dedicated fan would likely stop complaining and just hop on over to one of the Seattle shows. However, due to your President, his politics, his reign of terror on his own people, and snotty American border guards who want to know why you are going away for the weekend without your husband, some of us would really prefer to stay on our side of the border, even if Stephen Harper (pardon me while I gag) is our current PM.

Yours Sincerely,
A dedicated PJ Fan 
(even if I have only seen you in Vancouver)

Dear Entertainment Tonight,

For the past 2 weeks you have peppered each evening’s show with snippets of footage of your “interview” of Amy Fisher, Joey Buttafuoco and his ex-wife Mary Jo. For the love of all things unholy, please stop.
These people are not entertainers. They did not knock-up or knock-off Britney Spears. I do not tune into them each week, I do not pay to seem them on the big screen. These facts alone should signify to you that these people do not belong on Entertainment Tonight. They belong behind closed doors away from the public eye and certainly away from cameras, because really, no one wants to watch a greasy bug-eyed fat guy argue with two women he had a part in ruining. So, unless one of them gobbles up Nicole Richie cause really, no one wants to watch a greasy bug-eyed fat guy argue with two women he had a part in ruining. So, unless one of them gobbles up Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan for a light afternoon snack, please stop wasting my time blathering on about them.

No, it’s not Wolf Creek or Zombie Honeymoon - though I did watch both recently and was sorely disappointed. The scariest most disturbing movie I’ve seen recently is Shopgirl. I read the book when it came out and have to say it’s not memorable by any means - so much so that no recollections of the book were triggered as I watched the movie. The movie is boring and melodramatic and drags on and on. Watching Steve Martin touch and kiss Claire Danes is just plain wrong. He doesn’t look like a creepy pedophile and Claire Danes doesn’t appear to be childlike, but it still seems very very wrong and just plain uncomfortable to watch them have sex. To see Claire Danes laid out flat and naked for Steve Martin’s eyes. This is not a movie that purposely aims to creep you out by some “forbidden love” sort of relationship. It tries to be serious and falls flat because Danes and Martin have no chemistry. In fact, Danes and Jason Schwartzman also have no chemistry in their scenes but at least his character was mildly amusing and interesting. Claire Danes is better watched with Jordan Catalano or Romeo. Save the rental fee and pick something else.