Properly Awry

Stephen King told me to watch the Shoedini infomercial, so I did.  Some people do as Oprah says, I do as Uncle Stevie says.
Some commercials make you laugh at their stupidity, this one made me cringe.  The first few seconds sound like Dr. Seuss came back from the grave and busted out some shoe rhymes.  The whole thing is voiced over by Gilbert Gottfried so if I ever actually saw this on TV I would change the channel or mute it for sure.
Apparently bending over to put your shoes on or off can be treacherous and one is much safer to use an implement when performing this dangerous act.  I think if, rather than showing an old man hopping around and a blonde lady unable to get her shoes off by herself, they'd be better off marketing to big fat Americans who actually can't see their feet or bend over anymore, I mean it's a built in market, like shooting fish in a barrel.
Stephen King talks about a being commercial connoisseur in his EW column this week, something I am not.  I PVR everything now so I can fast forward through commercials and American newsbreaks.  If I'm watching something live rendering me unable to fast forward I zone out during commercials and pay zero attention (unless there's a cute dog or unless it was one of the good Canadian ones during he Olympics).
Some people bitch about product placement in TV and movies, I don't understand what the big deal is.  If I am subjected to the good guy drinking a Coke and the bad guy driving a Dodge Ram, what do I care?  At least I didn't have to sit through a 30 second commercial for each item.  I remember as a kid we always thought it was stupid funny when TV characters cracked open a pop that either had a made up name, or in some cases actually just had a sticker obscuring the brand name, because we TV viewers were not allowed to know what kind of pop fake people drank.

Remember, if you get a headache after watching the Shoedini commercial, you can always buy some Head On (apply directly to forehead!!)

There's always gotta be something to piss me off.

I try to be as green as possible, I carry at least 1 fabric bag around with me on a regular basis in case I stop at the grocery store on the way home.  When we go to the market or butcher we always bring several bags so we don't have to use any from the store.  I get it that some grocery stores charge you 3cents for a plastic bag and some grocery stores now only have annoying handle-less paper bags, no plastic at all (don' they know paper bags + rainy Vancouver don't really work together?).  I like that my Thrifty's gives me 3cents for each bag I bring in and use each time I buy groceries.  I was mildly annoyed when Ikea decided they would not have bags at all, but they advertised it in advance, and so now I try and come prepared, though if I stop there unplanned it can be very annoying to not even be able to pay 3cents for a bloody bag. 

I went to The Bay at lunch today and bought 2 shirts, I thought it was a bit odd when the girl asked if I wanted a bag, as I wasn't carrying any other bags, just my purse.  So I said yes, I need a bag, I mean it's raining outside, and did she expect I was going to walk out with 2 shirts and a receipt in my hand?  I mean, if I already had a bag from another store, I would never take a bag, if the stuff I'm buying fits into the bag I already have I always say no to the plastic bag.  She told me the bag would cost me 5cents.  5 motherfucking cents for a very small plastic bag, not really a bag that can be reused, except maybe for dog crap. 
How many people do you know go into a department store to buy clothes, or makeup, shoes or even a friggin coffee machine and bring their own bags with them?  How many tourists shop in the downtown Bay on a daily basis?  Are they rally going to be carrying bags around with them? The Bay is not a grocery store,  charging 5cents (not 2cents or even 3cents) for a bag at a store like The Bay is basically robbery and a flat out money grab. 
Maybe, instead of inconveniencing customers by having no bags, or pissing us off by robbing us blind if we forgot to bring our own bag, these stores should concentrate on saving the planet by putting a stop to ridiculous packaging practices.  Why is everything wrapped in plastic?  Why are so may things still surrounded by styrofoam? Why are so many things packages in boxes that are twice the size of the product inside?  Why is there still such a thing as disposable razors - or disposable anything?  Less packaging wold mean less garbage and less need for bags overall.

I read a lot, I watch TV a lot, and I go to movies a lot - basically I spend most of my non-work hours living vicariously through the fictional lives of imaginary characters.  I have always been this way, even as a child I would take books to family gatherings or parties and sit in a corner or under a pool table and read.  Recently I added Joe Pike (from Robert Crais' Elvis Cole / Joe Pike series of books) to my list of favourite male characters. In my own crazy world, it would be heaven if Joe Pike and Jack Reacher formed a kickass Justice League with Repairman Jack, Archie Goodwin, and Sam and Dean Winchester.

Suggested entertainment via kick-ass men:

• Jack Reacher - Lee Child's series, book 14 just came out, I highly recommend all of them, Reacher is pretty much the best series character ever.
• Joe Pike - sidekick to Elvis Cole in Robert Crais' series (11 books), now has a couple of books of his own.
• Repairman Jack - F. Paul Wilson's series (14 books).
• Archie Goodwin - Nero Wolfe's right hand man in the Rex Stout novels, also played to perfection by Timothy Hutton in the A&E TV series.
• Sam & Dean Winchester - of the Supernatural TV series, the best sibling relationship on TV (seriously), and it certainly doesn't hurt that they're easy on the eyes.

Honourary mentions:

• Coach Eric Taylor of Friday Night Lights (Eric & Tami's husband-wife relationship is the best on TV)

All I can say is that if "elite" school wants to keep it real, I guess the students will be able to take classes such as Bulimia 101 and Narcissism for Beginners. 

Baby Olive is on the couch, at my feet.  Frantically wagging her tail in her sleep, as if the dream she is having is the best one ever, as if she is the happiest dog in the world.  It makes me smile, to know my dogs are happy, even when they dream.
Oh, that life were so simple for the rest of us.