Properly Awry

I realized the other week that TLC now has another Say Yes to the Dress show.  They started with a New York show, then added an Atlanta show, and now they also have the fat girls show (in the same New York shop, actually titled Say Yes to the Dress Big Bliss).

So, WTF?  Why did they choose to start a new show not based on location or budget but instead based on the size of the bride? 
What's next Say Yes to the Dress Dwarves Edition?  Say Yes to the Dress Segregation Edition?

It is both baffling and insulting - I see no reason to separate the so-called big girls from the girls they want you to call normal - to me, the only reason to separate the 2 is so they can make a spectacle of the big girls. 
What's wrong with having the original show be more realistic and show both types of brides on the same episode?  A bride is a bride.  They show brides of all races and religions, but for some reason decided to separate out the big girls.
They can't possibly think that big girls weren't watching the original shows to look the the dresses, they can't possibly think that now that there are 2 options the skinny girls will watch the original show and the big girls will only watch Big Bliss...can they?

I think having a whole separate show "dedicated" to bigger brides would make larger ladies feel worse about themselves, feel like they are freaks who need to be separated from the skinny brides, not thankful that they get their own show.

But maybe that's just me.
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After catching a couple of episodes of Season 2 of Sons of Anarchy, I went out and bought the Season 1 DVD's so I could start from the beginning.  Normally I don't like to go backwards, but in this case I made an exception and am glad I did.

Amidst the blood, guns, sex, and drugs is heart.  These people are into some pretty bad shit, but the viewer roots for them, because we can see the club truly cares for one another, and for those around them and will go to any lengths to protect them and theirs. 

The dialogue doesn't give me the same thrill as that in Justified, but the acting is probably the best that's been on TV in a long time.  It is a rare show that has 3 strong powerful leads surrounded by equally powerful supporting actors, and they all make it look effortless.  They all bring a truth to the heart of it all.  Seeing these tough bikers break down tears your heart out.  For me, it also reminds me of my childhood and my dad's friends.  I see the truth, I know that these tough people, who many might fear purely based on leather and tattoos, can be more of a family than blood relatives, that they take brotherhood seriously, that family means something.

I am reminded of the jeans and leather and tears at my father's funeral.  I am reminded that perhaps I am lucky, to have been raised to not judge a book by its cover, to have seen that these scary bikers are people with families and friends, and that there's nothing wrong with wearing jeans and a leather vest rather than a suit and tie every day.  I know I'd rather wear jeans than skirts and blouses and goddamn high heels.

Okay, he's not a sheriff, he's a US Marshal, but you get my drift.
I just finished watching the Season Finale of Justified.  
Here is a TV show with fantastic dialogue that is not dumbed down.  Here is a hero who is not hard on the eyes, who is not perfect, and who uses actual grown-up words and dialogue.

You gonna bob and weave out of the path of a bullet? Cause that I'd like to see.

Timothy Olyphant (Raylan Givens in the show,  and who for me, was previously pretty much the dude from Scream 2) is made for this role and pulls it off perfectly.  The smart dialogue rolls off his tongue, often while he has a look of amused disbelief on his face. 

The show takes place in Kentucky and the characters ooze with, not southern charm, but with a southern ease and (I don't think it's charming to answer the door with some sort of gun in your hand, and characters on this show seem to make a point of doing so).  Lots of crazy shit happens in season 1, but the pace of the show is a nice southern calmness regardless of what's happening (shoot-outs, kidnapping, explosions, mass murder), and it's refreshing to not have to endure a frenetic MTV sensory overload. 

I am a TV addict and I watch lots of stupid shows purely for entertainment, sometimes due to the charm of an actor (Castle anyone?), but even with some of the good shows I watch, it's rare to get good, believable, intelligent dialogue.  I crave it.  Justified has it.
Now I have to site back and wait for season 2.

Raylan: I can only imagine how hard it has been for you to get where you are in the Marshal service
Rachel: Because I'm black or because I'm a woman?
Raylan: Because you're an idiot. 

...

Raylan: Why can't you bail him out?
Helen: Those are the first words out of your mouth?
Raylan: I'm sorry, I'll start again. I see you're still smoking

...

Art Mullen: Just what part of being under investigation confuses you, Raylan?
Raylan: So many things confuse me, Art.
Art Mullen: Do you think we're going to banter here? Cause we're not.

...

Raylan: I figure everyone is entitled to their hobbies and I'm entitled to think those people are creepy.

I am bored bored.
I need a hobby and I can't think of anything.
By hobby, I mean something that I find somewhat enjoyable, but not completely unproductive, since unproductivity is currently my past-time. 

Things that don't count:

• Reading - I already do that for at least 1.5 hours a day on my commute, more if the book I'm reading is really good, or I'm really bored
• Baking - I'm good at it but I'm already fat and my husband, though he likes my baking, isn't super keen on sweets,  I'm not good enough at it to sell my wares
• Watching tv or movies - I do this entirely too much already, and really, should this be considered a hobby or just laziness?
• Home renos/interior design - something I do on and off on a fairly regular basis.  If I had minions and millions, my house would be in constant design mode, alas I do not have minions or millions, and the projects I have on the go are work, not hobby.

Things that could be possibilities but I have discounted for one reason or another:

• Sewing - My talent seems to be only curtains, tablecloths and placemats (read: nice tidy square items), at various points in my life I have tried and failed at clothing or other non-square items.  I would love to be able to sew because I love fabric, sometimes I obsess over fabric, but how many curtains does one house need?
• Crochet - tried this last year and failed miserably, I made exactly 1 "bookmark"
• Knitting - see crochet failure above
• Pottery - tried in my youth, I am not good
• Drawing and/or painting - tried in my youth, even then anything I produced looked like the work of a 3 year old, I am certain I have not magically gotten better with old age
• Furniture design - if I could draw, I would draw furniture, alas, I cannot.  Also, my designs would be sad, lonely and unproduced since I certainly cannot make furniture.
• Jewelry design - see above.
• Writing (meaning fiction), I used to write, I used to be kind of good.  It seems I have no muse, or my muse gets caught up in my day to day mind/life and cannot break free.  It's like I grew up and life became real and I can't make shit up anymore.  Oh to be Peter Pan.
• Family Tree - Been there done that.  I did ours earlier this year and went as far as I could with the information available to me.  So, now all that's left is for babies to be born or people to die.
• Scrapbooking - my husband did some years ago and was far better than me, so I gave away most of my materials.  Though paper has been an obsession of mine from time to time.  I could do electronic scrapbooking and get Apple to print stuff for me.....
• Quilting - no idea how to do this, nor does my mom, though it would tie in nicely with my obsession with fabric (where are the minions when I need them?)

Things I am good at or like, but can't seem to think of how to apply towards a hobby:

• Specifics
• Databases
• Mining information
• Working with deadlines
• Books
• Dogs
• Telling others what to do / teaching others
• Theatre
• Earth-friendly products
• Spending money
• Zombies, werewolves, vampires

Things I hate or am very bad at:

• Spending loads of time outside
• Cleaning
• Meeting new people / making friends
• Small talk
• I do not have steady hands / my hands are not very dexterous
• Keeping my facial expressions in check when morons speak
• Organizing (I organize in the electronic world, but feel no need to organize actual stuff, I thrive in my organized chaos, those piles on my desk mean something to me)
• Working without deadlines, if there is no deadline for something, I tend to start and never finish, either because I discovered my suckery or just got lazy

...and after all of the above, I still have not ideas, no resolution.  It kind of makes me wish there was a government mandate or a gold star program that would force me to just pick something already.

Stephen King told me to watch the Shoedini infomercial, so I did.  Some people do as Oprah says, I do as Uncle Stevie says.
Some commercials make you laugh at their stupidity, this one made me cringe.  The first few seconds sound like Dr. Seuss came back from the grave and busted out some shoe rhymes.  The whole thing is voiced over by Gilbert Gottfried so if I ever actually saw this on TV I would change the channel or mute it for sure.
Apparently bending over to put your shoes on or off can be treacherous and one is much safer to use an implement when performing this dangerous act.  I think if, rather than showing an old man hopping around and a blonde lady unable to get her shoes off by herself, they'd be better off marketing to big fat Americans who actually can't see their feet or bend over anymore, I mean it's a built in market, like shooting fish in a barrel.
Stephen King talks about a being commercial connoisseur in his EW column this week, something I am not.  I PVR everything now so I can fast forward through commercials and American newsbreaks.  If I'm watching something live rendering me unable to fast forward I zone out during commercials and pay zero attention (unless there's a cute dog or unless it was one of the good Canadian ones during he Olympics).
Some people bitch about product placement in TV and movies, I don't understand what the big deal is.  If I am subjected to the good guy drinking a Coke and the bad guy driving a Dodge Ram, what do I care?  At least I didn't have to sit through a 30 second commercial for each item.  I remember as a kid we always thought it was stupid funny when TV characters cracked open a pop that either had a made up name, or in some cases actually just had a sticker obscuring the brand name, because we TV viewers were not allowed to know what kind of pop fake people drank.

Remember, if you get a headache after watching the Shoedini commercial, you can always buy some Head On (apply directly to forehead!!)

I read a lot, I watch TV a lot, and I go to movies a lot - basically I spend most of my non-work hours living vicariously through the fictional lives of imaginary characters.  I have always been this way, even as a child I would take books to family gatherings or parties and sit in a corner or under a pool table and read.  Recently I added Joe Pike (from Robert Crais' Elvis Cole / Joe Pike series of books) to my list of favourite male characters. In my own crazy world, it would be heaven if Joe Pike and Jack Reacher formed a kickass Justice League with Repairman Jack, Archie Goodwin, and Sam and Dean Winchester.

Suggested entertainment via kick-ass men:

• Jack Reacher - Lee Child's series, book 14 just came out, I highly recommend all of them, Reacher is pretty much the best series character ever.
• Joe Pike - sidekick to Elvis Cole in Robert Crais' series (11 books), now has a couple of books of his own.
• Repairman Jack - F. Paul Wilson's series (14 books).
• Archie Goodwin - Nero Wolfe's right hand man in the Rex Stout novels, also played to perfection by Timothy Hutton in the A&E TV series.
• Sam & Dean Winchester - of the Supernatural TV series, the best sibling relationship on TV (seriously), and it certainly doesn't hurt that they're easy on the eyes.

Honourary mentions:

• Coach Eric Taylor of Friday Night Lights (Eric & Tami's husband-wife relationship is the best on TV)

British people are really fucking funny.

Because we don’t waste enough time watching TV, we recently signed up at Zip.ca to receive rental DVD’s by mail. Just think: You can have the joy of watching The Facts of Life Seasons One and Two, without the painful stupidity of paying to own it.
For some reason the powers that be have not built any video stores within a convenient distance from my new house, and said powers are also causing Shaw Video On Demand to constantly be unavailable whenever I feel like I might want to watch a movie. As a result, I looked into joining a DVD by mail service and chose Zip.ca. They have over 50,000 titles available and my first 2 DVD’s arrived the day after I signed up. Granted, the first 2 DVD’s available on our list were The Muppet Show Season One and some Dr. Who movie, both choices made by my husband.
Time will tell if the fast service continues, and I am sure that sometimes we’ll be disappointed in which DVD shows up, but for now we have found yet another way to waste time and avoid painting the house.

The rain has started. The leaves are falling. The countdown is on.
The new Fall Season is about to start - it can rain till the cows come home, it can rain cats and dogs, I’m happy as a clam so long as our cable doesn’t go out.

Early starters, such as Bones, have already got me hooked though I wasn’t a regular viewer last season. Rescue Me rocks. I have given new shows Justice and Vanished a try - the former is okay, if a little overproduced, the latter is dull, and I feel sorry for anyone who invests too much time in it, because I doubt it will be around long enough for viewers to get any resolution/satisfaction to the serial story-line.

Still waiting for:
Grey’s Anatomy - McDreamy or McVet? If Izzie is back (she is) can we also have some flashbacks of Denny (murdering bastard writers)?
Veronica Mars - Veronica is off to college for some more Nancy Drew-like adventures. Please tune in so she is not cancelled. It’s a really good show.
Smallville & Supernatural - Will have competition and force me to make life altering decisions since Grey’s is also on Thursdays this year. Hopefully Space will continue to rebroadcast on Friday nights.

We just finished watching Black Books Series One again last night.  It is a truly hilarious BBC series that doesn’t fall into the lowbrow category of humour (i.e.: Little Britain, which is funny, but quite lowbrow most of the time).  I can now only sit and wait for Series 2 and 3 to be available in North America, though they have been available in the UK for a couple of years already. 

Dear Entertainment Tonight,

For the past 2 weeks you have peppered each evening’s show with snippets of footage of your “interview” of Amy Fisher, Joey Buttafuoco and his ex-wife Mary Jo. For the love of all things unholy, please stop.
These people are not entertainers. They did not knock-up or knock-off Britney Spears. I do not tune into them each week, I do not pay to seem them on the big screen. These facts alone should signify to you that these people do not belong on Entertainment Tonight. They belong behind closed doors away from the public eye and certainly away from cameras, because really, no one wants to watch a greasy bug-eyed fat guy argue with two women he had a part in ruining. So, unless one of them gobbles up Nicole Richie cause really, no one wants to watch a greasy bug-eyed fat guy argue with two women he had a part in ruining. So, unless one of them gobbles up Nicole Richie or Lindsay Lohan for a light afternoon snack, please stop wasting my time blathering on about them.

If Izzy found out that when Denny is not in the hospital he’s out leading an alternate life as a Hunter would she still be pining over him?? She thinks he’s all sweet and caring and maybe he is, but he also is a ruthless killer of the supernatural, which is sure to make her a bit queasy. Also, he has 2 sons that are closer to her own age and who are hot, alas, they too are Hunters. I guess she’ll have to go back to Alex.