It was a nice day out so I took the dogs for a walk around the neighbourhood. Our neighbourhood is really quiet and full of dead-end streets, so of course on this lovely day I start thinking - which house is the best house for survival if there was a zombie apocalypse? Which house is the least defendable?

This is a variation of the game I play when I walk out my front door in the morning to head for work - if a zombie apocalypse happened today and all I had was what I wore to work and what's in my purse - how would I fare?
Some mornings I look down at my shoes and am like - well, I'd be fucked. Other days I'm like, yeah, I'd kick ass, but I should have worn a jacket.
Then I start wondering if I should add more apocalypse-appropriate gear to the cornucopia in my purse.
But then I think that sounds a bit crazy and if I had to go through security somewhere I'd get branded as a terrorist.

On today's walk I came to the conclusion that our current abode and location is probably one of the best in the neighbourhood to defend against zombies, but I should probably stock up on some water and extra large nails, just to be safe.

Someone else summed up my thoughts:

Christianity:
The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magically tree.  Makes perfect sense. 

I don't care for religion, any religion.  Religion in general is a cult, a club that survives through its never-ending cycle of brainwashing.  Think about it - if you are religious, have a specific religion - did you choose it yourself?  More likely this religion is yours because your parents chose it for you, as their parents did them and so on.  Or perhaps your spouse had an ingrained religion and now that is your religion and the religion of your children.  It's pretty rare for a person to go out and seek a religion and make a personal choice - sure, it happens, but not enough. 
I believe a club is something you choose to be part of, not something you participate in because your parents did (if your parents were in a polka club would you be?  If your parents jumped off a bridge would you?).
I consider myself fortunate to have not been brainwashed into a religion growing up - the fact that my parents came from different religious upbringings meant that we essentially had no religion in our house.  My brother and I are not baptized or christened.  I'm pretty sure I only went to church once on Easter Sunday and once on Christmas Eve, any other appearances at church were for weddings or funerals.  My summer camp was a Christian non-denominational camp, and we attended "chapel" twice a day and they gave us Bibles and tried to convince us to let Jesus into our hearts.  I refused to be brainwashed, though I did like singing the songs, and camp was fun and it was what my mom could afford, so we put up with the religion.  I do remember there was one counselor who told us dinosaurs did not exist and were made up by scientists - which, even at 12 I thought was hilarious/crazy-town.

If you feel you need religion to get through the day, to feel better about yourself, to purge yourself of your so-called sins, that's fine, that's your choice, even if it wasn't initially your choice.  But if you have children, is it fair to make that choice for them?  Baptizing or christening your child as a baby is the first step in taking choices away from them. Do you want them to grow up feeling obligated to the religion you chose for them, or do you want them to grow up feeling free to make their own choices?

So, I have a new (another) addiction.
I was already an avid user and fan of Etsy, as I love custom things, odd things, one of a kind things.  I love the idea that I can get something personal as a gift for someone, that is not from a big box store, and that supports artists, crafters, whatever you want to call them.  I think it's awesome that if I want something specific, and it's something that I cannot find in a retail store, or is something I really cannot make on my own, I can go online and source that something and make it a reality.  It's kind of like waving a magic wand.
The magic wand has now become very dangerous.  My cousin is a fashion designer and she Etsy is one of the outlets she uses to sell her clothing.  She came across an Etsy coupon site called Heartsy.me and recently had her store featured there.  Heartsy works with the artists on Etsy and, like Groupon, provides shoppers with a major discount to stores on Etsy.  Shoppers can also vote on Heartsy to say which shops they want to get discounts at.
So far in the past 3 weeks I have gotten:

$16 for $50 Online Store Credit at Love Betsy Rue for Vintage Jewelry
$19 for $50 Online Store Credit at Jewelry Deli
$40 for $100 Online Store Credit at Simone's Rose (my cousin's clothing store)
$19 for $50 Online Store Credit at Circuit Board Jewelry

See how this is now dangerous?  Sure, I've spent $94 dollars for $250 dollars worth of goods, but I also spent $94 dollars that I did not need to spend at all (with the exception of my cousin's store, as I was going to buy some of her stuff regardless).
I have been a very bad girl and for a while I will be avoiding the Heartsy notifications so as to not tempt myself....

Rude.
It occurred to me today that perhaps their had been a global directive to redefine the word rude.  That perhaps the definition as I learned it and as I believe it no longer applies.  It certainly seems this must be the case as I see rudeness being accepted as par for the course on a regular basis.

But then I Googled it, and was surprised to see that it does in fact, still mean:
/rud/ Show Spelled[rood]

.
I am not an overly emotional person, except when I am.

Right now I want to puke, cry, and commit murder all at the same time.  Today is the type of day that reminds me why I generally try to avoid the news, why I purposely keep my head in the sand and look the other way, it's the type of day that reminds me the human race is fucking disgusting.

What caused this?

100 sled dogs slaughtered in Whistler when tourism slumped: Report

I am disgusted, I am outraged, I am helpless to do anything because the act has already been committed.  Is there someone I, as a citizen, can go to and seek a similar decision be made to euthanize or cull the useless excuses for human beings that made the decision and (literally) pulled the trigger on these poor animals?
Would that I could.

Jesus Fuckin' Christ. Can the world get any more ridiculous? Is there no sanity?
Art is art, whether it is literature, music, a movie, a painting, a sculpture...
So why is it suddenly acceptable to revise a classic novel to make it more politically correct? I find it truly sickening that someone has decided to take it upon themselves to change history - because changing a classic piece of art, regardless of format, is changing history. The only person who should have the right to change a piece of art is the creator of that art. If the creator is dead, I believe NO ONE should have the right to alter a creation. It is one thing to sell the rights or mass produce, or do a farce on an existing piece of art, particularly when the creator is dead, but it is another thing entirely to alter the art.
The decision to alter Huckleberry Finn is simply wrong.
Art is meant to challenge, to cause conversation, and sometimes to offend. To remove certain words is backhanded censorship and will cause the book to lose some of its impact on readers.
We need to stop censoring and PC'ing everything and instead have discussions about why the art was created in that way, at that time, why it was acceptable to use the word nigger in a piece of literature.
If we don't, before you know it feminists will be crying out to the Thought Police to have the word cunt removed from all existence, some of Shakespeare's more colourful language will be edited, and chickens will cry fowl when the term "chicken" or "chickenshit" is used to mean scaredy-cat (uh, oh, did I just offend cats?).
Shit happens, history is history, deal with it and leave the art alone.

PS - don't worry, I calmed down a bit and am no longer wanting to stab a baby, especially not yours.
PPS - The quote at the top is most likely the only thing crazy Charlton Heston said that I agree with.

I read an article today about a group (the Centre for Inquiry, Canada) that puts up "controversial" posters that question the existence of "God".  Their newest ad says Extraordinary Claims Require Extraordinary Evidence and then goes on to group Allah, Vampires, God, and Wizards together as examples of such "extraordinary" things (and yes, if God is a proper noun, then to me so are Vampires and Wizards, so there).


I think it's totally hilarious.

They say they want to spark discussion and debate, but come on, you just know the religious nuts are going to have a spazz about this. 

It seems that it's perfectly okay for churches and LDS posters to go up and preach religion, but a poster that questions religion?  A poster that groups God with Dragons?  That's gonna rub some people the wrong way (mostly shriveled, lonely people who rarely get rubbed).

I think it would be totally awesome if all the WoW players out there banded together in protest - Dragons, Gnomes, Elves, Witches and Wizards are all under fire here too.  Oh, and they better prepare for the onslaught of Edward-loving Twihards as well, their outrage (question the existence of Vampires will you!) may well cause the end of times as we know it.



For the record, I totally believe in Leprechauns.

Capes I made for my nephews:

and proof that they work:

When does it stop?
It seems ridiculous to me that Air Canada will now have to create a "nut-free" buffer zone around a passenger if they request it. 

I don't even see how this can be enforced, if I paid for a seat and I am unlucky enough to have to sit next to one of these fuckwads who actually had the nerve to pre-warn the airline that they required a buffer zone I'd be pretty annoyed.  What happens if a passenger brings their own food on board (which many do now since it ain't free anymore) and their personal food contains nuts?  Is the stewardess under instruction to rip a peanut butter sandwich away from passengers?

Does anyone wonder why it seems that there has been a ridiculous increase in nut allergies in recent years?  It's practically illegal to let your kid have a peanut butter and jam sandwich at school because it might somehow make its way into the mouth of a kid who is allergic.  When I was a kid we could take whatever food we wanted to school and guess what? No one died, kids weren't keeling over left and right.  It was totally normal to have PB&J in your lunchbox.  We were even allowed to bring juice to school.    

I'm allergic to morons, people who stink and assholes who speak loudly on their cell phones in public places - can I get a buffer zone too?




Post-post - I stumbled upon a school in the US that is nut-free and fish-free, so these kids are just fucked, no PB&J or tuna sandwiches, what has the world come to?

Obsession.  Compulsion. Fixation.

I've realized that over the past year or so, whenever I see a new colour of nail polish that I buy it.  I must have it.  Currently, one of the drawers in my coffee table contains 37 bottles of nail polish.  I'm guessing that's not normal.

Back in July I went to get a mani-pedi before my trip to Vegas, and I noted that I had more colour options at home than the salon had.  Again, I'm guessing that's not normal.

I'm also starting to wonder if changing the colour once a week (or so) and removing the polish, etc. will eventually cause me to have some sort of detrimental disease, that I am a human experiment for the nail polish industry.

Oh well, I like the pretty colours, and it's less expensive and time consuming than keeping up purple or pink or yellow hair on a regular basis.

So for now I will enjoy my Ruby Slippers, Brand New Skates, Under My Trench Coat,  In the Shadows, with Yellow Kitty.

I loathe it when people use big words in an attempt to make themselves look intelligent while at the same time probably making others feel inadequate or stupid. 

I was scrolling through a blog earlier tonight and the writer used big, ridiculous words at every turn of  phrase.  Many people would not be able to comprehend what the hell she was talking about.  Many people would just skip it altogether thinking it pompous. 

I am not against big words per se, I love words and sometimes a big, over the top word is appropriate; sometimes a big, beautiful word just fits.  I simply feel that in day to day life, conversation, communication, common / simple words are better.  I like plain speak.  I find it preferable to be direct. I find it preferable to know that the person I am talking to knows what the hell I am talking about, and doesn't walk away blank-eyed scratching their head.  I think I tend to show my intelligence through the way I phrase things rather than via the use of redonkulous* words.
 

I hate it when people say "he was just being facetious", when in fact, they could just say, "he's joking", or "he's just being a jackass".  Facetious is a word I just plain hate.

So just stop it.  When future generations or aliens try to make sense of us and our times I'd like them to be able to make sense of it all, after all someone should. 



*The title of this entry

a foot and a half long, hence inordinately long

relates to the translation of sesquipedalian, which is a stupid long word to describe stupid long words and the people who use them.


**totally in the "dictionary", therefore perfectly acceptable

My thoughts, upon flying over Nevada for the first time, my mouth agape.

mono-chromatic
desolate
flat

Flat unending dullness.  It seemed like perhaps the Apocalypse had occurred while we were in the air, and as we got nearer the ground I was seeing the effects of a horrible fire or explosion.

Now I understand the reason behind the craziness of the huge hotels, fake pyramids, Eiffel Towers, circus tents.  If not for Las Vegas, the people of Nevada would likely go insane due to the lack of colour, animation, variance, in their general surroundings.  The madness of the Strip counterbalances the tedium of the desert. 

I am lucky to live in a place that is surrounded by colour year round, that has mountains, lakes, trees, the ocean.  I have seen beauty in the desert of Nevada, in the Australian outback, but nothing compares to the beauty of home.

So, I just got back from Vegas.
My first time there, just a girls' trip, no husbands or kids.
So, what did we do?
We drove to the indoor gun range and shot us some guns of course.

The Gun Store:

For our customer's health and safety, we provide Lead Free Ammo!

The Ladies Package got us 20 rounds with a Glock 9mm, 10 rounds with either an AR-15 or a Beretta cx4, a t-shirt of our choice, and our bullet-ridden targets.
I shot the Glock first, followed by the Beretta.
I was a little afraid to shoot the Glock, but wanted to try it, to hold it.  So many characters I read and love shoot Glocks.  It was surreal, the bullets are so small, that I thought I was completely missing the target.  When I finished my 20 shots, I put the gun down and said "that didn't seem real".  The gun guy asked what I meant.  I said "It didn't feel real, it felt like I could've been shooting blanks."  He assured me I was shooting real bullets and then reeled in the target, yup, 20 little holes in the target, just not necessarily where I was aiming to hit.
It did not feel real.  It did not feel like what I had just done could've killed someone, or more than one someone.  I could see how kids/youth, whatever you want to call them might not take it seriously.  Aside from my nerves, it did not seem any different than shooting in a video game. 

The Beretta was a bit different, I almost didn't even want to pick it up, and I even thought that if I got through the first few bullets, I might still freak out and not be able to finish.  It was certainly scarier than the Glock, and had a bit more of a punch to it.  It's touching your shoulder and your cheek, so it seems more personal.  But it also has the little red laser aiming dot, so it seems easier.  10/10 bullets hit the target.

Would I ever own a gun?  Not unless we were under siege, or living in a post-apocalyptic world of zombies or Mad Max wannabes.  Would I shoot one again?  Hell yeah, in a safe environment.

Those of you who have children and are interested in showing them how to kill things will be glad to know that the Gun Store has a Kids Package that allows your child to shoot a Ruger Mark III .22 and a
Semi-Auto .22 Rifle with 20 rounds each, they also get a t-shirt or a gift bag!  We asked minimum age requirement for the Kids Package and were told they usually don't allow anyone under 7, but it's based more on size than age, so if you have a large 5 year old.....

So yesterday, when I heard Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail followed by 90 days in rehab I laughed.  What does she expect?  If you act like a crack-whore, you get treated like a crack-whore.  If she wasn't famous she would have already been sentenced to some time behind bars.  Finally she is being treated just like any other person would be, given the circumstances.

That was yesterday.  That was before the media zoomed in on her nail polish to show the "fuck u" on her middle finger.  Now they are saying that this fuck you is likely to get her thrown in jail for contempt of court.
I'm sorry judicial system but you can't have it both ways.  She's either treated like a regular person or a celebrity.  If she's treated like a regular person, then the "fuck u" doesn't exist because there would not have been a paparazzi there to zoom in on her fingers and tattle tale to the media and report back to the judge.  Unless the judge has some sort of super vision, there's no way she saw this on her nails.
So, treat her like a regular joe, give her the original sentence and pretend the finger nail fiasco didn't happen, because if she were just some regular crack whore, there's no way anyone would have given her nail polish a second look.

A Canadian is sort of like an American, but without the gun.  -Anonymous

Canada is the linchpin of the English-speaking world.  -Winston Churchill

Canadians were the first anti-Americans, and the best. Canadian anti-Americanism, just as the country's French-English duality, has for two centuries been the central buttress of our national identity.  -Jack Granetstein

I am a Canadian, free to speak without fear, free to worship in my own way, free to stand for what I think right, free to oppose what I believe wrong, or free to choose those who shall govern my country. This heritage of freedom I pledge to uphold for myself and all mankind.  -John Diefenbaker From the Canadian Bill of Rights, July 1, 1960

In a world darkened by ethnic conflicts that tear nations apart, Canada stands as a model of how people of different cultures can live and work together in peace, prosperity, and mutual respect.  -Bill Clinton

There are no limits to the majestic future which lies before the mighty expanse of Canada with its virile, aspiring, cultured, and generous-hearted people.  -Winston Churchill

Vive la Canada. This country is not for sale.  -Don Sweet

We'll explain the appeal of curling to you if you explain the appeal of the National Rifle Association to us.  -Andy Barrie

When I'm in Canada, I feel this is what the world should be like.  -Jane Fonda

With or without the Royals, we are not Americans. Nor are we British. Or French. Or Void. We are something else. And the sooner we define this, the better.  -Will Ferguson

There are those who say that Canadian English is a combination of British and American English. Those who say so are just a bunch of cultural wimps. Canada has its own culture and is not a sub-culture of the U.K. or the U.S. Maybe it's one of them that is the sub-culture and is using a combination of Canadian and the other's spelling, eh? The paper clip, the zipper, standard time, time zones, and United Nations peacekeepers are all Canadian innovations. There are even some Canadian words and phrases which are neither British nor American, but uniquely Canadian.  -Dave VE7CNV's Truly Canadian Dictionary of Canadian Spelling
         

Some Canadian words/term that I did not know were either completely or mainly Canadian:

• Homo Milk 
• runners
• housecoat
• deke
• eavestrough
• gaburator
• parkade
• tea towel
• washroom
• 4-piece bath
• butter tart

So I'm going to Vegas in a few weeks.
So it will be hot.
So I bought a swimsuit today.
I haven't bought a bathing suit in probably 3 years, and even that one I think I've worn about twice.

This would be for several reasons:
a) I am not a sun-worshipper, in I am extreme in my avoidance of the sun and the heat - perhaps in direct sunlight I sparkle like a vampire, perhaps because my skin has not seen direct sunlight in years, perhaps because not only do I burn but I also am lucky enough that I am allergic and the sun gives me a rash.
b) I do not have a swimming pool, nor does anyone I know.
c) Even the very new, very large rec centre across the street from me does not have a pool.
d) I do not want to offend or cause blindness.


That being said, knowing that most of my time in Vegas will be (hopefully) in air-conditioned environs, and knowing that the friend I am going with is a sun-worshipper, and I do love the water, I know realistically we will spend some time poolside.  Hence the new swimsuit.

It wasn't as painful as it could have been, I think I may even have bought a smaller size than my last.  I went for the look rather than the function.  I think in it I am more Marilyn Monroe than big fat monster, so that's good.
So long as I can get down to the pool and not run back up to the room to get a long-sleeved hoodie..........

(and no, that sure as hell is NOT a picture of me, but at least it's not a size 2 in the photo...)

Have you ever remembered something good from your childhood and tried to re-live it only to discover it totally sucks now that you're an adult? Like old TV shows, or movies you flick one on and go holy crap this sucks ass!
Your childhood memories are ruined.
You wish you had left well enough alone so you could continue to believe that The Facts of Life was awesome.

For once, something I loved as a kid is the same as it was. 

Map-O-Spread.  Sweet sweet Map-O-Spread.

Smuckers Map-o-Spread Delicious maple flavour spread. Excellent on toast, pancakes, ice cream and cake icing. Do not refrigerate. Made in Quebec.  Just the Best!

I remember as kids, whenever someone was going back east (to Manitoba or Quebec), they would bring back Map-O-Spread for us and it was the best treat ever that never lasted long enough. 
Melting on toast with butter. 
Making bread your best friend.

My brother went to Montreal a few weeks ago, I had a revelation on the way to work and sent him a text while he was on his way to the airport:

Me - Try to pick up some Mapospread :)
Him - I'm going to get a case of it

We were on the same wavelength.

He was only able to find 6 (large) jars of it, not a whole case, and after he lugged them back from rural Quebec, I was the lucky recipient of 1/6 of his haul (he wasn't keeping the rest for himself, he wanted to share the secret with some of his friends).

It was everything I remembered.  It is as good with cream cheese on toast as it is with butter on toast.
Funny thing though, this maple treat, this Quebec delicacy, doesn't have any real maple in it at all (in fact it sort of doesn't have any real ingredients at all).
Still yummy though.
It's nice to see some things never change.
It's the little things that can make me smile.

I was sent an email today that read:

Do you believe that the word God should stay in Canadian culture?

CBC this morning had a poll on this question. They had the highest Number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the Percentage was the same as this:

86% to keep the words “ God Keep our Land” in the National Anthem
14% against

That is a pretty 'commanding' public response.

I was asked to send this on if I agreed or delete if I didn't ..

Now it is your turn.  It is said that 86% of Canadians believe the word  “God” should stay......

Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having the word “God” in the anthem

Why is the country catering to this 14%?
AMEN!
If you agree, pass this on , if not, simply delete.

From what I can see, the above isn't even in any way true.  The recent discussion around the Canadian anthem was about making it "gender neutral" to take out the word "sons", and I think the "god" issue came up but wasn't really ever on the table.   I could care less about making the anthem gender neutral, it it really that big a deal? 

Of course I didn't forward the email to anyone, because anyone who knows me will know my answer would of course be to get the "god" out already.  There's no need for it, it would be a simple single word substitute, nothing major, and removing it is less offensive than leaving it in.  But then again, I'm the one who says if I ever had to go to court and they asked me to put my hand on a bible and swear to tell the truth, I'd either do so gladly and then lie my ass off because putting my hand on a bible means nothing to me, or, I'd ask them to substitute the bible for a copy of The Stand because swearing to tell the truth by placing my hand on a Stephen King book would hold greater weight for me than putting my hand on a bible.

Sometimes,
some days,
some (melancholy) days,
I like to believe that this life is one of many parallel lives, and in my other parallel lives I am things I am not:

I am a published writer with 3-4 books under my belt,or
I am born with red hair to match my freckles,  or
I am 5'9", or
I won the lottery, or
I have travelled to more than 1 other continent, or
I am a closet drunk, or
I am still 110 lbs, or
I am a mad scientist, or
I am a drummer in a band, or
I am a librarian, or
I am a shapeshifter, or
I am a person who misplaces things, or
I am kickass with a gun, or
I am a successful local actress (appearing on Fringe and Supernatural), or
I am a superhero avenging animal cruelty, or
I am mother to J.D., Vedder and Delia, or
I have 2 parents, or
I am a survivor of the apocalypse, or
I am not self-conscious, or
I have horseshoes up my ass, or
I am not lacking in friends, or
I am a furniture designer, or
I own a bookstore, or
I am a revolutionary, or
I am rewarded for the work I do, or
I am unforgettable, or
I have a PhD, or
I have some terrible disease, or
I am carefree, or
I am tattooed on all 4 limbs, or
I am all that others think I should be, or
I am a charming surprise, or
or
or
or
or any combination of the above.

These are of course, not all things I have wished or do wish to achieve, or aim to become, they are simply daydreams of a parallel life that isn't, but somewhere could be.

• INTJs apply (often ruthlessly) the criterion "Does it work?" to everything from their own research efforts to the prevailing social norms. This in turn produces an unusual independence of mind, freeing the INTJ from the constraints of authority, convention, or sentiment for its own sak
• When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know. 
• INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others. 
• many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense.
•  INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. 
• Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it.  
• Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. 
• Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them.   

If you know me, all of the above applies, whether good or bad.

Interestingly enough, on the list of fictional INTJ's:  Hannibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) and Professor Moriarty (Sherlock Holmes' nemesis), though so are Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Gandalf the Grey (J. R. R. Tolkein's Middle Earth books), and Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (Hamlet).