Properly Awry

I realized recently that I have an accidental past time - I collect father figures.

Not in an Electra kind of way.  In a purely innocent, put them on a pedestal, try to get their attention, try to please them kind of way.
I realize I have been doing it for years, long before my father actually died, and I have quite a collection.  Teachers, bosses, co-workers, friends' fathers....

I'm thinking none of them ever had any idea, and wondering if any of them ever thought I was a total psycho. Guessing that, since my father died a veritable stranger to me, I am now destined to continue collecting unsuspecting dads.

Huh.

Have you ever remembered something good from your childhood and tried to re-live it only to discover it totally sucks now that you're an adult? Like old TV shows, or movies you flick one on and go holy crap this sucks ass!
Your childhood memories are ruined.
You wish you had left well enough alone so you could continue to believe that The Facts of Life was awesome.

For once, something I loved as a kid is the same as it was. 

Map-O-Spread.  Sweet sweet Map-O-Spread.

Smuckers Map-o-Spread Delicious maple flavour spread. Excellent on toast, pancakes, ice cream and cake icing. Do not refrigerate. Made in Quebec.  Just the Best!

I remember as kids, whenever someone was going back east (to Manitoba or Quebec), they would bring back Map-O-Spread for us and it was the best treat ever that never lasted long enough. 
Melting on toast with butter. 
Making bread your best friend.

My brother went to Montreal a few weeks ago, I had a revelation on the way to work and sent him a text while he was on his way to the airport:

Me - Try to pick up some Mapospread :)
Him - I'm going to get a case of it

We were on the same wavelength.

He was only able to find 6 (large) jars of it, not a whole case, and after he lugged them back from rural Quebec, I was the lucky recipient of 1/6 of his haul (he wasn't keeping the rest for himself, he wanted to share the secret with some of his friends).

It was everything I remembered.  It is as good with cream cheese on toast as it is with butter on toast.
Funny thing though, this maple treat, this Quebec delicacy, doesn't have any real maple in it at all (in fact it sort of doesn't have any real ingredients at all).
Still yummy though.
It's nice to see some things never change.
It's the little things that can make me smile.

I was sent an email today that read:

Do you believe that the word God should stay in Canadian culture?

CBC this morning had a poll on this question. They had the highest Number of responses that they have ever had for one of their polls, and the Percentage was the same as this:

86% to keep the words “ God Keep our Land” in the National Anthem
14% against

That is a pretty 'commanding' public response.

I was asked to send this on if I agreed or delete if I didn't ..

Now it is your turn.  It is said that 86% of Canadians believe the word  “God” should stay......

Therefore, I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a mess about having the word “God” in the anthem

Why is the country catering to this 14%?
AMEN!
If you agree, pass this on , if not, simply delete.

From what I can see, the above isn't even in any way true.  The recent discussion around the Canadian anthem was about making it "gender neutral" to take out the word "sons", and I think the "god" issue came up but wasn't really ever on the table.   I could care less about making the anthem gender neutral, it it really that big a deal? 

Of course I didn't forward the email to anyone, because anyone who knows me will know my answer would of course be to get the "god" out already.  There's no need for it, it would be a simple single word substitute, nothing major, and removing it is less offensive than leaving it in.  But then again, I'm the one who says if I ever had to go to court and they asked me to put my hand on a bible and swear to tell the truth, I'd either do so gladly and then lie my ass off because putting my hand on a bible means nothing to me, or, I'd ask them to substitute the bible for a copy of The Stand because swearing to tell the truth by placing my hand on a Stephen King book would hold greater weight for me than putting my hand on a bible.

Stephen King told me to watch the Shoedini infomercial, so I did.  Some people do as Oprah says, I do as Uncle Stevie says.
Some commercials make you laugh at their stupidity, this one made me cringe.  The first few seconds sound like Dr. Seuss came back from the grave and busted out some shoe rhymes.  The whole thing is voiced over by Gilbert Gottfried so if I ever actually saw this on TV I would change the channel or mute it for sure.
Apparently bending over to put your shoes on or off can be treacherous and one is much safer to use an implement when performing this dangerous act.  I think if, rather than showing an old man hopping around and a blonde lady unable to get her shoes off by herself, they'd be better off marketing to big fat Americans who actually can't see their feet or bend over anymore, I mean it's a built in market, like shooting fish in a barrel.
Stephen King talks about a being commercial connoisseur in his EW column this week, something I am not.  I PVR everything now so I can fast forward through commercials and American newsbreaks.  If I'm watching something live rendering me unable to fast forward I zone out during commercials and pay zero attention (unless there's a cute dog or unless it was one of the good Canadian ones during he Olympics).
Some people bitch about product placement in TV and movies, I don't understand what the big deal is.  If I am subjected to the good guy drinking a Coke and the bad guy driving a Dodge Ram, what do I care?  At least I didn't have to sit through a 30 second commercial for each item.  I remember as a kid we always thought it was stupid funny when TV characters cracked open a pop that either had a made up name, or in some cases actually just had a sticker obscuring the brand name, because we TV viewers were not allowed to know what kind of pop fake people drank.

Remember, if you get a headache after watching the Shoedini commercial, you can always buy some Head On (apply directly to forehead!!)

There's always gotta be something to piss me off.

I try to be as green as possible, I carry at least 1 fabric bag around with me on a regular basis in case I stop at the grocery store on the way home.  When we go to the market or butcher we always bring several bags so we don't have to use any from the store.  I get it that some grocery stores charge you 3cents for a plastic bag and some grocery stores now only have annoying handle-less paper bags, no plastic at all (don' they know paper bags + rainy Vancouver don't really work together?).  I like that my Thrifty's gives me 3cents for each bag I bring in and use each time I buy groceries.  I was mildly annoyed when Ikea decided they would not have bags at all, but they advertised it in advance, and so now I try and come prepared, though if I stop there unplanned it can be very annoying to not even be able to pay 3cents for a bloody bag. 

I went to The Bay at lunch today and bought 2 shirts, I thought it was a bit odd when the girl asked if I wanted a bag, as I wasn't carrying any other bags, just my purse.  So I said yes, I need a bag, I mean it's raining outside, and did she expect I was going to walk out with 2 shirts and a receipt in my hand?  I mean, if I already had a bag from another store, I would never take a bag, if the stuff I'm buying fits into the bag I already have I always say no to the plastic bag.  She told me the bag would cost me 5cents.  5 motherfucking cents for a very small plastic bag, not really a bag that can be reused, except maybe for dog crap. 
How many people do you know go into a department store to buy clothes, or makeup, shoes or even a friggin coffee machine and bring their own bags with them?  How many tourists shop in the downtown Bay on a daily basis?  Are they rally going to be carrying bags around with them? The Bay is not a grocery store,  charging 5cents (not 2cents or even 3cents) for a bag at a store like The Bay is basically robbery and a flat out money grab. 
Maybe, instead of inconveniencing customers by having no bags, or pissing us off by robbing us blind if we forgot to bring our own bag, these stores should concentrate on saving the planet by putting a stop to ridiculous packaging practices.  Why is everything wrapped in plastic?  Why are so may things still surrounded by styrofoam? Why are so many things packages in boxes that are twice the size of the product inside?  Why is there still such a thing as disposable razors - or disposable anything?  Less packaging wold mean less garbage and less need for bags overall.

I read a lot, I watch TV a lot, and I go to movies a lot - basically I spend most of my non-work hours living vicariously through the fictional lives of imaginary characters.  I have always been this way, even as a child I would take books to family gatherings or parties and sit in a corner or under a pool table and read.  Recently I added Joe Pike (from Robert Crais' Elvis Cole / Joe Pike series of books) to my list of favourite male characters. In my own crazy world, it would be heaven if Joe Pike and Jack Reacher formed a kickass Justice League with Repairman Jack, Archie Goodwin, and Sam and Dean Winchester.

Suggested entertainment via kick-ass men:

• Jack Reacher - Lee Child's series, book 14 just came out, I highly recommend all of them, Reacher is pretty much the best series character ever.
• Joe Pike - sidekick to Elvis Cole in Robert Crais' series (11 books), now has a couple of books of his own.
• Repairman Jack - F. Paul Wilson's series (14 books).
• Archie Goodwin - Nero Wolfe's right hand man in the Rex Stout novels, also played to perfection by Timothy Hutton in the A&E TV series.
• Sam & Dean Winchester - of the Supernatural TV series, the best sibling relationship on TV (seriously), and it certainly doesn't hurt that they're easy on the eyes.

Honourary mentions:

• Coach Eric Taylor of Friday Night Lights (Eric & Tami's husband-wife relationship is the best on TV)

All I can say is that if "elite" school wants to keep it real, I guess the students will be able to take classes such as Bulimia 101 and Narcissism for Beginners.